College Friendships and the Three-Year Test: A Hidden Phenomenon

Everyone enrolling in a degree program eagerly anticipates college life. What makes those three years special are the festivals, Goa trips, industrial visits, and more. In the first year, everyone tries to befriend nearly everyone to bring these experiences to life. Yet, an unusual phenomenon unfolds—a pattern I call the "Three-Year Test."

You find a large group your first year and have fun hanging out with them. It's the early stages of creating friends, and there is nowhere to focus. Everyone is putting forth their best effort. When you start your second year, some of your friends have already settled in and aren't as motivated. Some are still searching for new experiences. Some just don't fit in with the group, while others become entangled in relationships and veer away. You are figuring each other out at this point. How are they doing and what do you both want from each other? This is usually where misunderstandings and expectations take place. If one does not understand each other by the end of the second year, which is what seems to happen most of the time, in the third and final year, things break off or people simply don’t expect much from each other. The third year is stressful with exams and studies, however, it is also the time when one shouldn’t have to question their friendships. Yet some still are in the mindset of second-year friendships. This is where we see the group of 10 in the first year, breaking down to almost a group of 4-5 in the third year.

And this ‘Three Year test’ teaches one a lot about what they expect in life and also what true friendship means. There are various ways the three-year test could unfold, but it vaguely follows a similar pattern above. To make this test less painful, it is your job to be aware and mindful of yourself and your actions and most importantly; never put yourself in second place.  And painful as it might be,  it is simply inevitable. As a current third-year student myself, I am seeing this phenomenon sprouting in my junior’s circles as well.    

I believe this agonizing test we all go through is born due to one notion that has been conditioned in all of us – the friendships you make in college are going to last forever. Now while this might be true for some parts of the population, it is not always the reality. If you make friendships which last through your adult years, you are lucky and have put in the effort to do so. This is not always the case. And such notions in freshmen’s heads when they enter college, might just set them up for heartbreak. Entering college with this mindset will steal away of authentic experiences you will have with your classmates or friends, as in desperation to make lifelong friends, you push your limits. Friendships take time to brew and it is based on authenticity and mutual understanding. And this takes time. And for there to be genuineness in a friendship, you must respect and understand yourself first. In the midst of socialising, we often forget what we like or who we truly are as we are caught up trying to fit in the social circles. This pressurising and constant nagging feeling to be liked takes away at our soul bit by bit. And when you end up in the third year, you realise your efforts have gone in vain. 

When people say protecting your energy and your identity is important, they are saying so out of experience. There is nothing more humbling than realising you never really lived your college life because you were caught up questioning everything and everyone. When remembering your college years, and all you can think back to are the negative moments, that’s where you fail. These realisations hit all at once when you start to treat yourself better, trust yourself in the decisions you made and love who you are. It is then that you make the conscious effort to take yourself lightly and the people around you in a graceful manner. 

They might not be calling you 10 years down the line, but they are there right now. 

And that is what matters now.  

Don’t lose yourself completely, don’t let other’s careless actions affect you. But do not make one such incident define your entire college experience. You are not the only one figuring out how to make your way through the world. So are your friends and classmates. Cut some slack and don’t expect the world from others. Stay true to yourself and be who you are. In the end, if the efforts are not reciprocated, at least you will remain grateful for the fact that in the process of living life, you did not give up on yourself. 

This piece goes to all those students who will be entering college. Make friends in college, and have all the fun that you can. However, do not set yourself up on romanticised expectations. The more you expect, the more you will give up on yourself. By the time you graduate, you will only be 21. You still have a long time ahead to meet more people who will provide new experiences and perspectives. So treasure what all you have now. Treasure yourself!