'Wipe that off,' - If someone as accomplished and competent as Bollywood actor Alia Bhatt can be instructed to remove her lipstick by her husband, can we genuinely consider women of the present times as independent and empowered?
The infamous live video in which Alia Bhatt shared her makeup routine with her fans sparked a debate among netizens. While Bhatt was demonstrating her unique way of applying lipstick to her Instagram followers, she recalled how her husband and then-boyfriend, Ranbir Kapoor, would always tease her about it since he preferred her natural lip shade. However, this didn't sit well with the audience, as many considered the act controlling and restrictive. Alia Bhatt's makeup routine video reignited the eternal question: why do women always seek validation from their male partners?
While patriarchy is the ultimate factor to blame, part of the responsibility also falls upon the society, and the women themselves for not holding their ground. Simone De Beauvoir, the French feminist theorist, in her phenomenal work 'The Second Sex,' remarks on how women are always treated as 'the other' compared to men, and the eternal feminine is consistently considered secondary to the ultimate male, 'the one. The women “live dispersed among the males, attached through residence, housework, economic condition and social standing to certain men – fathers or husbands – more firmly than they are to other women,” which somehow remains relevant to this date as women tend to follow the ‘I’m not like other girls’ manoeuvre that dictates the paradigm of being an ideal woman seeking the male validation about female conduct instructing to be less feminine and more agreeable to the male terms.
Beauvoir also highlights the female shortcomings in giving into the domination of the male discourse as she quotes, “It is perfectly natural for the future woman to feel indignant at the limitations posed upon her by her sex.” In her criticism of the dominating patriarchal discourses which have demoted the women to ‘the other’, she argues that male “discussion” of the “feminine issues” has in fact made women seek the approval of the men as she remarks, “The real question is not why she should reject them: the problem is rather to understand why she accepts them.”
One possible answer to this question can be traced back to the Hooked model, which is used in business to create a need or habit among customers for a product or service. It may explain why women 'need' or are 'habitual' in seeking male validation. Behavioural economist Nir Eyal devised the Hook model to create a customer habit based on a loop cycle consisting of trigger, an action, a variable reward, and ongoing investment. At its core, the hook model offers the product as a solution to the consumer problem thus inflicting a need in their behaviour. Let’s take the case of Instagram, for example. It has created a need for a particular lifestyle by providing an escapist coping mechanism through the influx of content that hooks us into swiping on our phones for hours, day in and day out.
A similar pattern can be observed in women as they are constantly seeking male approval, even for the most basic things. As long as men validate their needs, women seem to like them. However, once the validation stops, women may feel neglected and forsaken in the relationship. Patriarchal practices have conditioned women to seek validation from the men around them, as their opinions have often been repressed and ridiculed. Even if a woman enjoys wearing makeup, wants to buy a dress she loves, or aspires to pursue a career, she may lack confidence in her own judgment, as her perspective is frequently dismissed as fickle and ineffective. It is often easier to accept and agree with male opinions than to assert a female perspective and stand one's ground. This is particularly noticeable in competitive environments like the film industry or corporations, where women are influenced by the prevailing male perspective. Perhaps this is why some women try to blend in with their male counterparts to fit into the male-dominated discourse, seeking acceptance from society without facing dismissal or challenges.
