In the search for love and understanding, chivalry meets spare change.
We live in a modern dating world where swipes are quick, hearts are fragile, figuring out messages feels like deciphering ancient hieroglyphics and feeling unlucky in love has become the norm. While you are always on the lookout for the perfect someone, another brutal dating trend has gone viral that will make you wonder if you ever want to be in a relationship again.
In a now-viral video, influencer Erika Tham sheds light on this method known as "The Penny Method," describing it as unsettling to be aware of its inner workings. She claims that the penny method was introduced to her during a conversation about 'love bombing' with her male friend. "Imagine a girl as a piggy bank," she explained. "Obviously, you must first feed her $100 bills to get her interested." Putting in $100 bills, on the other hand, is a lot of work. And you only want to do that sometimes, so you reduce it to $90. Now, she'll notice a 10% decrease in effort, but it's only 10%, so bringing it up will make her sound insane.
According to lifestyle influencer Erika Tham, this disturbing trend involves systematically reducing the effort invested in a relationship, moving from the initial grand gestures to a meager offering of breadcrumbs. I don't need to point out the problem with equating women to a piggy bank.
Erika explains that while the receiver of the penny method may perceive a 10% reduction in effort, addressing it without being dismissed as crazy is difficult. As the effort is gradually increased back to 95, the manipulative cycle continues. Erika emphasizes the perplexing nature of this process, in which the recipient, rather than feeling a 5% loss, believes they've gained 5% despite the reduced effort.
This rapidly growing and cruel dating trend removes the element of simplicity from the equation, introducing a methodical approach that may leave you questioning the authenticity of today's relationships. Basically, you keep repeating the cycle and weaning her off your effort until you're giving her pennies, and she's excited to get a nickel.
Nothing seems simple when it comes to dating nowadays. There's a lot to think about, from apps to various trends. There's 'masterdating,' 'dexting,' and then unhealthy habits like 'phubbing' or simply getting 'fizzled.' Many of these sound made-up, but they're all part of today's dating scene.
What happened to genuinely liking someone and wanting to spend time with them without using lies or delusions? To me, the thought that men might actually think like this makes me fearful that they have their own perverted twist on this tactic, dubbed "the penny method," and that many of them do it knowingly or unknowingly.
The subtlety of 'The Penny Method' makes it so terrifying. It's the kind of thing that makes you wonder if your instincts are correct or if you're overthinking things. Misogyny is also subtly layered, where a man is in charge, where he decides if it's a good day or a bad day, where he decides how much time he can devote to 'his' woman. The entire relationship depends on the man's mood; if he feels like he is in the mood for love, he is; if not, he does not owe the woman an explanation.
Even though less effort is being put in, the person receiving this may believe things are improving. It's similar to thinking they're gaining when they're truly losing. This cycle of manipulation continues, like receiving smaller and smaller sums of money until the person receiving it becomes content with receiving very little, similar to being pleased with only a tiny nickel.
This trend normalizes relationships that are rooted in misogynistic patriarchy, that a woman should be grateful that she even has a man who pays attention to her on some days, that she is expected to be flattered and keep going back for the bare minimum, which we all know somewhere is not enough. But, after all, isn't some love better than none? At least, that is what most of us girls have been taught: accept what is handed to us with two open arms and a big smile and dare not complain about what we do not have. Even worse, these tricks and tactics thrive on making women submissive and at the mercy of a man. From a girl's perspective, this is precisely what keeps me afraid of finding love because what if my entire day depends on that one "good morning" text that I may or may not receive?
Near the end of her video, Erika said, "Never be accepting anything less than $100 bills." This is not about having guys wrapped around our fingers, at our service 24 hours a day, but about being all in as two equals who value and respect each other's time, passions, insecurities, and everything in between.
If this is what boy math is, I don't like it. The penny dating method is a stark reminder of the importance of genuine interaction, openness, and respect in relationships over manipulative strategies that undermine trust and self-esteem. It reminds us that no matter how much of a green flag a man might be, it's the small things we often don't notice. They are elaborate plotlines to keep us hanging by a thread and still wanting more.
